D3 body, D1 cock
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Come on in and take your pants off
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