Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize