Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
