I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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