i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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