i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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