Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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