he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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