I just saw a hot homeless man
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
