literally had 100 drinks last night.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
