ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
