I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
