I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
