The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
