we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
