The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
