I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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