He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
