So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
