I just pynch a tree in the face
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
