You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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