so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
