If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
