Sry I called you an 8
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize