Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
