Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
