I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
