ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
