I'm going to jail i love you
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
