so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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