You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
