So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
