So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
