i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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