Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
