my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize