I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I wear drunk well.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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