I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
