But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
