My first STD was from a foam party
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
