Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hippo gnu deer
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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