Do you still have your period?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
