Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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