If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize