All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
