Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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