I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
