you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
