Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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