my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
