So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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