he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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