his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
