i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
