My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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