I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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