I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
