All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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