what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
