This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
