I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
