he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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