5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Randomize
