It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
