I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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