dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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