i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My bed smells like the plague
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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