We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
