Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
