My hand turned me down
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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